Infected
by Irrevocably
Summary: It wasn't supposed to happen like this. Not like this. Not now. I sat down on the toilet seat of the gas station bathroom, shaking as I held the stick. God, a gas station. I was taking a pregnancy test in a freaking gas station bathroom. Correction: I took a pregnancy test in a gas station bathroom. And it was positive. Yep, I was pregnant with a little Killer Frost inside of me.
1. The beginning

It wasn't supposed to happen like this.

Not like this. Not now.

I sat down on the toilet seat of the gas station bathroom. God, a gas station. I was taking a pregnancy test in a freaking _gas station bathroom_. Correction: I _took_ a pregnancy test in a gas station bathroom. And it was positive.

Yep, I was pregnant. Pregnant in a dirty gas station bathroom. A really... really... _really..._ dirty gas station bathroom. Is that a condom in the corner? Oh god, I have to get out of here.

Where do I have to go though? I was still on the run after leaving team Flash with the idea that I would "find myself" in the process.

I had to scoff at myself. "Finding myself". What a load of shit. I'm not in college anymore, I shouldn't be using those two words in a sentence ever again.

More importantly, I should have a fixed residence, a stable job and should at least be trying to stick to a diet. Not traveling around the state, living in my car and eating weird diner food every night.

 _You have been trying to save people though as you travel_.

Attempting to stop a few people from getting mugged is hardly being heroic though. Compare those people to all the ones I've hurt and its not hard to see why I still think of myself as the villain.

A pregnant villain. Well I guess that makes sense. Of course I don't get a happy ending or a traditional pregnancy where I'm happily married beforehand. Oh god this baby is coming into such a messed up world.

How could this happen to me?

Tears flowed down my face now and I was having trouble breathing. I was getting that gross phlegm in my throat and I could barely choke back my sobs.

It was my baby. I was having a baby.

I hung my head low as I sobbed, not knowing how I could be so unfortunate as to have this happen. First I get these powers that make me want to kill, that make me so goddamn angry, of which I eventually overcome. Finally I've learnt to control them, even though there is that little bit of fear inside of me that it could still happen again. That there's a possibility I could lose control again and hurt all the people I love. But for the minute, I was in control.

Until I wasn't anymore. Because now, I'm pregnant.

I was pregnant with potentially a little Killer Frost inside of me.

* * *

I didn't know where I was going for most of the day. Or maybe I subconsciously did. Maybe it was just instinct. When I ended up in front of my apartment building later that night though, I was hardly surprised.

Solitude and a heater. That is what my apartment could provide for me. That is what I wanted. That is all I could focus on for the moment.

I opened my apartment door and immediately my foot was caught on dozens of notes on the ground. _What the hell?_

One note out of all of them was a wedding invitation from Barry and Iris for the upcoming Saturday. The rest were from Julian.

 _I know by this point you obviously aren't reading these, hopefully one day you do. We took down another meta today. He was basically a porcupine, wasn't all that hard to take him down honestly. The fun at STAR Labs isn't really that riveting anymore. Seems too easy after defeating Savitar. Too boring since you left. Well, I'll talk to you tomorrow._

 _-Julian._

My heart felt incredibly heavy as I picked up all of the notes and placed them on my kitchen bench. I couldn't possibly read all these without crying, could I? Julian left me a note every single day it seemed, even though he knew I wasn't here. He waited for me to come home.

 _Julian is waiting for me still._

That thought was enough to make me start crying again. Julian was waiting for me. Julian had a baby he didn't even know about. Well I mean, he didn't have one yet. He made one though. He created something and he doesn't even know it.

And again, I was sobbing heavily by myself. Except this time it was in the dark and not under some cheap fluorescent bathroom light.

I stopped once I heard footsteps outside my front door though. I tiny sob escaped my mouth because I knew who it was and why he was here.

Julian. Julian was leaving me another note.

A blue slip of paper slid under my door and I held my breath until I knew he was gone. I closed my eyes and bit down on my lower lip. I wasn't ready yet. I could barely think about Julian the whole day without my mind immediately shutting the though down. Its simply too confusing already without adding Julian to my long list of questions and problems. I couldn't even figure out what I was going to do yet, how was I meant to think about Julian?

 _He's been thinking about you though._

I opened my eyes and looked over all of the notes on the bench. Some were longer than others; some were simply just a sentence. There were a couple that appeared to have small drawings on them. All of the clearly had a lot of care put into the, big or small.

I looked down at my stomach, still in shock. My white hair hung around my face, reminding me that this baby wasn't just half Julian's; it was also possibly half Killer Frost.

I collected my things and rushed for the door. I had to get to STAR Labs. Surely I could determine if this baby had my powers already. I had to know if it had the overwhelming feeling of rage I fought so hard to get rid of.


	2. That Night

It was 11:46pm when I arrived at STAR Labs. The place was dead. Everyone had gone home, and I had absolutely no idea what I was doing.

Now this isn't that unusual for me to be in STAR Labs and not be entirely sure on how to fix a situation. That was why working in a team was so easy, we all had each other to rely on. Cisco, Barry, Dr Wells, they all helped to create solutions when I didn't know how to solve something.

"If only they knew how to deal with you little bean."

I placed a hand on my belly, only to immediately take it away in shock. _Did I just speak to the baby?_

"You're pregnant?"

I turned around swiftly to see Cisco standing in the doorway of the med bay. Looks like I wasn't the only one in shock by my sudden maternal antics, as Cisco had dropped his jaw to hit the floor.

"Cisco..." I said, my voice shaky. I really didn't want to have to deal with this yet when I was still so confused myself.

We both stood there standing at each other for what felt like hours. Cisco kept moving his mouth to attempt to say something, his hands would occasionally move to gesture confusion or to cover his mouth and rub his chin thoughtfully.

"You're back... and you're... you're... back... pregnant?" Cisco said in complete shock. If I weren't so freaked out I would have laughed. He came towards me and hugged me tightly. "I'm so glad you're back but... are you okay?"

That was a loaded question. The obvious answer was no, not right now. I thought that I was okay before today.

My eyes immediately welled up again. How many more tears could a girl produce in the span of 16 hours? I held onto Cisco tightly whilst I sobbed some more. He calmly stroked my hair and told me it was okay until I quietened down.

"I'm here for you one hundred percent through all of this. I'm here, no matter what you need, no matter what you decide. I'm here."

I let Cisco go and sat down on one of the newly bought stools. They had gotten STAR Labs looking pretty good since the storm that destroyed the building two months ago.

"I don't know what to do." I told him sadly, because really what the hell was I doing?

Cisco nodded in understanding, his face deep in thought. "...Did you just find out?"

"This morning."

"I see..." Cisco nodded again, looking as if he didn't know what to do either. "...And does _he_ know?"

I raised my eyebrows at Ciscos question. "I'm assuming you mean the father."

"I mean Julian." He replied bluntly.

I shook my head, "He doesn't know I've come back. And you have to keep it that way. He can't know about the baby yet. You can't tell him."

"So he _is_ your baby daddy." Cisco made an amused smirk. "Didn't know you two were at _that_ level yet."

" _Cisco_."

"Sorry." He put his hands up and looked apologetic. His look softened when he put his hands down though. "You gotta tell him though Cait."

"How do I tell him that his murderer of a.. a... I don't know, murderer of an ex girlfriend I guess, is impregnated with his baby, who left for two months because she was still so angry at the world?" I cried again. "This baby could be infected by rage with the powers to back it up. How am I meant to live with that?"

Cisco pulled up a stool and sat down next to me, rubbing my back and looked on thoughtfully.

"I always thought that Ronnie and I would start a family. I was really looking forward to that. It seems so long ago now." I couldn't stop the tears from falling anymore. There was really no point in trying. I was a hormonal and genetic wreck. "I always expected a natural order to this sort of thing; I'd meet someone, fall in love, get married and then start a family. I didn't expect to be a half demon and on the run when I got pregnant."

"You aren't a half demon." Cisco said determinately as soon as I started sobbing loudly again. "Listen, I'm gonna take you home. I won't tell anybody you're here until you're ready. You just have to take care of yourself and rest."

I nodded. I was tired and had no idea how I was even meant determine if the baby was infected by power. After the day I had today, I think all I really was capable of is falling into a deep sleep.

* * *

I picked up one note when I got home. It was the most recent one to slip under my door. The date was scrawled in the corner just like the rest of them.

 _I've imagined so many scenarios for the moment you come back. I keep thinking about what I'll say, how exactly I can word everything to make you stay. And then I realised I can't make you stay. I'm not enough. I need to be a better person to make you stay. I don't know how I'm going to do that just yet, maybe I'll go save a couple cats from trees or go rescue some puppies from the shelter, I'm not too sure. All I know is that I love you and I'll try anything. I'd do anything for you Caitlin._

 _Please come home._

 _-Julian._

I broke down again and this time not because of hormones (well maybe a little) but because I finally said something to myself that I hadn't wanted to.

"I love you too Julian."

* * *

4 months ago.

It was a couple nights after we'd gone to the steakhouse together. We were on another date, the 3rd this week.

"You mean to say there was actually a boomerang flying around STAR Labs at one point? Amazing." Julian chuckled as he lifted the red win glass up to his mouth.

I laughed too as I recounted the story to him. He was quite amused by all the shenanigans that occurred before he joined the team. I enjoyed telling them to him, I liked sharing my life with Julian.

And Julian liked sharing his life. He made me laugh, which was surprising considering I didn't think I'd ever feel so affectionate towards a guy again in all my life.

"You're pretty amazing Dr Snow."

I blushed at his comment, lifting my red wine glass up to my mouth.

"Sorry, did I get too corny again?" Julian asked with a sheepish but dazzling smile. _Oh he knew exactly what he was doing._

His rugged smile and thick British accent were quite sexy qualities that I was noticing _a lot_ lately. Smart, caring, sexy – surely this was too good to be true.

"Not at all a problem." I replied, returning the smile and taking the last sip of my wine

He smirked back with his eyes low as he studied me. "No matter what happens, I'm quite happy right now. Right in this moment. I'm not going to forget this feeling."

I bit down on my lower lip. Maybe it was the red wine but I knew I was feeling something too. Something that made me ask Julian to get the cheque and invite him back to my apartment for dessert.

"Are you sure?" Julian asked breathlessly. His hands were cupped around the back of my neck as he had me pressed up against my front door.

I tilted my head up slightly to kiss him with all that I had. He responded back instantly, turning the doorknob once my hands began tugging at his tie.

"You can't undress me out here, someone could see." Julian whispered with an amused, slightly tipsy grin.

"Where would you like me to undress you Dr Albert?" I asked playfully, managing to pull his tie off now and throw it towards my couch.

"Who am I kidding? You can get me naked anywhere you damn please." Julian said with the same grin, making my knees go a little weak. Luckily he had decided in that moment to pick me up, to which I had to laugh gleefully at.

"Bedroom is down the hall to the left." I managed to mumble as I continued kissing Julian.

* * *

Julian and I lay beside each other breathlessly a while later.

"Well..." Julian managed to say, trailing off happily.

"I know," I replied, not needing to say much else.

After a few moments of silence, I turned towards Julian, "Thank you."

"For what?" He was clearly confused. "I don't need to be thanked."

"I... you make me feel safe." I said simply.

Julian smiled at this and pulled me towards him. He was warm and smelt like an unusually sexy mix of sweat and cologne. He kissed the top of my head and looking back I now know that that was the exact moment I fell in love with Julian Albert.

* * *

The next morning he wasn't there next to me and quickly my mind went into panic mode. _He regrets it. He woke up and left because he doesn't want to be with you. The Killer Frost ordeal is too much for him to handle. He just wanted you for last night._

Obviously my initial panic subsided once I noticed that there was steam slowly exiting my bathroom and there was the smell of bacon and mushrooms lingering in the air.

I grabbed my white fluffy robe from the back of my door and walked into the kitchen groggily (I am so not a morning person). I saw Julian bent over the stove, his hair was slightly damp and he was wearing the same suit as last night. It was slightly crinkled due to being on the floor all night, however, he still looked really good.

"Hey! You are a really heavy sleeper. I've taken a shower, dropped my shoes on the tiles, my phone, and the pan as well and yet you slept thro- are you okay?"

I guess the hurt was still evident on my face from thinking that he had left. I shook my head and smiled. "I just thought that when I woke up alone that you..."

"Oh, no no no. Not at all. I am so sorry Caitlin. I just woke up and couldn't help but be excited for the day." Julian walked over with a grin. He embraced me in a hug and kissed the top of my head softly. "I'll note next time to try and sleep in."

I smiled at this. "Next time?"

"Oh right. Well, assuming I am fortunate enough for this to occur again." Julian said with a nervous smile, making it sound as though it were a business transaction.

"Judging by the smell of this breakfast I'd say your chances are incredibly good." I tilted my head up to kiss him reassuringly. "Coffee?"

 **A/N:**

I'm so glad that there are people out there who are as obsessed with Snowbert as I am! Review if y'all like, I love hearing everyone freak out over Snowbert.

ihateeverythingandbody, I hope this answers your question, yes I am writing more aha. Thank you for your lovely review, I really appreciate it :)


	3. Can't Let You Go

The next day I went to Keystone for my medical. I couldn't risk a doctor from Central City knowing who I was and calling the police. It was unlikely but I was panicking enough already, I didn't need to make it any worse than it already was by getting myself arrested.

"I'd say you're about 14 weeks pregnant. The baby is perfectly healthy." The doctor smiled at the monitor, watching the baby float about.

The baby's heartbeat flooded the room and for a second I thought my own heart had stopped again. _My baby was healthy._

Did that mean the baby wasn't turned to Frost yet? Oh my, what if the baby has these powers and doesn't know how to control it? What if it hurts itself accidentally?

Even in all of my panic attacks, abortion never crossed my mind. Not because I was against it on principle, but it just never felt like an option for me. Which was weird as I thought about how stressed I am over whether or not the baby will turn out evil like me.

My doctor looked at me quizzically, obviously seeing my expression of pure terror and patted my hand. "It's normal to feel a little nervous on your first pregnancy."

I nodded back simply as I knew if I opened my mouth I'd start crying again. I returned my attention to the monitor, watching the small little bean curled up peacefully, oblivious to the world that it was about to enter into.

* * *

I debated for the next three days about whether or not I would go to Barry and Iris's wedding, and let me tell you, I make really persuasive arguments. I was ready to see everyone but I was extremely fearful about it. I missed everyone, but I couldn't hurt them again. I still hadn't figured out what I wanted yet or who I was now.

 _You're a mother now, that's what you are._

I looked in my full-length mirror of my bedroom and smoothed down the bottom of my navy dress. I looked good, not at all pregnant looking, as it was too early to tell. I just looked like Killer Frost, which was jarring to witness myself like this sometimes. I keep looking in the mirror, expecting to see my dark hair and radiant skin, but now all I see is white hair, pale skin and prominent veins. Some days I wish I'd taken that cure, and I still could if I really wanted to. But then I remember the struggle I had to get here, and going back just seemed ridiculous. I couldn't go back to being a bio-engineer, working crazy hours at STAR Labs just to come home and watch an episode of scandal each night and then pass out. It was a draining, almost desolated existence sometimes. I was the supporting character it felt like in a room filled with big, happy personalities. That'd never be the case now that I was pregnant. I had something that was about to change my world, _again_.

It was about to change Julian's as well. Speaking of which, when is it the right time to tell someone that they "knocked you up" anyway? It's certainly not on your best friends wedding day. So I guess that gave me an extra day to figure out how to tell him in a delicate matter. So far all I had was:

"Hey Julian. You know how I've been gone for 2 months? Well turns out I've been growing a baby in that time. Oh and its yours... Alright, bye."

Yep, that was definitely going to go down well.

* * *

I stood in the doorway of the church, taking a few breaths to calm my nerves. You know what would really calm my nerves? Alcohol. You know what I'm not allowed to have for the next 5 months? Alcohol.

My morning sickness that had developed of late was apparently turning into midday sickness. Sitting down was probably a good option, however I was just stuck in this doorway, freaking out about how this day was going to unfold.

I mean, how am I going to make conversation with Julian? Everyone else is fine, I'll apologise for not keeping in contact and then try my best to be a better friend. You know, make conversation about what they've been doing, how they are going, recent meta humans that they have fought and so on, so on. But Julian? I knew that he was going to be hurt, and I knew I had to deal with that, but how do I talk to him without feeling so guilty about the baby.

 _Avoid him Cait, just avoid him_. I told myself. It wasn't very adult, but it was all I had right now.

It was only a small chapel, so it only took a couple of seconds for Barry to notice me at the end of the aisle. He looked so happy to see me, with only a slight bit of worry conveyed across his face. I smiled back, truly happy for him and Iris. They probably weren't far off starting a family either. I wonder how that was going to work with him being the Flash. Would their children be speedsters? I guess that meant that their kids were destined to be heroes. Which meant mine were destined to be villains.

 _Oh god._ I had to sit down. This was too much to think about right now. I slipped into the nearest available seat and wouldn't you know it: it was right next to Julian.

He looked good, really, _really_ good. His hair was so nicely kept in place, he had the perfect amount of cologne on (the one that I'd bought him at Christmas, thank you very much), and his navy suit somehow perfectly matched my dress. We always somehow managed to compliment each other.

So much for avoiding him.

I stared at him for a moment with a nervous smile on my face. He looked a little flustered initially but pleased to see me, which was good I guess. At least I knew he wasn't angry with me for leaving.

"Caitlin," Julian smiled, reaching out to give me a hug. "You look... incredible."

I hugged him back, the only thought going through my head being " _fuck"._ Judging by the beat of my heart and the feeling in my stomach I knew I was in trouble.

It only took a couple of moments before I realised that those butterflies in my stomach weren't exactly from Julian's kind words. It was most _definitely_ the morning sickness.

"Excuse me." I managed to mumble as I ran for the bathroom. Whoever said pregnancy is magical was obviously high on their epidural at the time.

* * *

Due to my sickness in the bathroom - which I explained to Julian as being a result of eating some bad Chinese takeaway – Julian stuck close by me in concern for he rest of the afternoon. Which would have been nice if I wasn't harboring this secret from him. Each moment beside him gave me a pounding headache from the guilt I was feeling. He should know about his baby. He really should.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you for the first time, Mr and Mrs West!" The DJ announced at the reception as the big wooden doors of the hall opened, revealing the very excited looking newlyweds. As the lights dimmed and the spotlight followed them to the dance floor everybody stood up from their assigned seats to cheer and clap.

From where I was sitting I could see it all, Barry and Iris where positively beaming at each other. Joe was tearing up and holding onto Cecile very tightly. Cisco was also tearing up a little beside me, earning a light punch from Gypsy. Everyone was happy. Once the clapping died down I realised I couldn't hear the music. I couldn't hear anything. All I could hear was the overwhelming silence that came along with the major feeling of anxiety.

A hand slipped into mine, pulling me out of the start of my panic attack. The music returned to my ears and I realised everyone around me was moving to join the happy couple on the dance floor.

"Now I know you probably don't want to dance with my two left feet," Julian said with a smirk, squeezing my hand, "But I've seen you dance too and I believe I should be the one whose scared."

I raised my eyebrow at him, half smirking at his attitude. "I'll have you know I took 8 years of ballet."

"So you've learnt how to gracefully fall then?" Julian replied cheekily, squeezing my hand again and gesturing his other one out to the dance floor.

"Says the one that used to do ballroom dancing." I teased, pulling at his hand to lead him to the dance floor. One night he'd admitted that to me, revealing his family had very strict rules on what sports were allowed to be taken up in his household. Dance was the only one.

"I told you never to talk of that again." Julian mumbled as we reached the floor. He moved my hands to wrap around his neck and then proceeded to pull me in at the waist. His stony expression dropped and was replaced with a small smile. "You know I wasn't lying before when I said you look incredible today. Much like every time I lay my eyes on you."

 _Fuuuccccck_. I was in deep trouble.

I felt that very familiar bubbling sensation in my stomach as he said this. For a few seconds there I'd forgotten that I was still keeping his baby a secret from him. I really didn't deserve his admiration at the moment with something this big being kept from him. Still it really wasn't the right time to tell him.

I smiled softly back at him, nodding my appreciation to him. "You look very handsome today too."

Julian nodded too, his smile getting a little bigger as I said this. As I looked up into his eyes and saw all of the emotion he was holding back, I realised I was starting to tear up. Goddamn hormones. I quickly leaned my head onto his shoulder before he could notice, as I felt his arms pull me into him tighter. Julian leant his head down onto mine and breathed in deeply, almost like he was memorising my scent. He took a moment before he kissed the top of my head softly, right near my ear as he whispered, "I can't let you go again."

That was it. That was all it took to drive me insane. I stayed with him like that, swaying to the music, feeling a little lighter in my mind. I didn't have to tell him right now, but I was going to, and I'd fight for him if he ends up being angry with me for not telling him sooner. I wasn't going to let him go either. Not now, not ever. I did have to part with him as the song ended though and everyone cheered again. I took a small step back from Julian, lifting my head as a smiled graciously at him. It didn't take long to notice he was beaming back at me, clearly feeling a sense of accomplishment for admitting something emotional to me and not having me run away for once.

But of course, something had to ruin the moment. That something being the little bean in me who was causing all of my stomach issues. I quickly dashed for the bathroom, making my way through the crowd. I heard Julian call after me, however I didn't have time to look back. As I rushed through the cubicle to lean over the toilet bowl, I barely had enough time to gather myself before it all came out again. Side note: where the hell was all this food coming from? I've barely eaten anything today yet I've been sick four times.

And yet, I was beginning to realise I didn't want to trade this in for anything. The morning sickness, the backaches, the lack of alcohol (that one might be killing me), it was all worth it. Sure, there was a chance that this baby could have my powers and in turn the mental state of Killer Frost, but it also had Julian's genes too. From what he's shown me tonight, and from all of the previous months knowing him, this baby was going to have a really good fighting chance. For now, that was enough to calm me.

Julian came in as I was rummaging around my purse for the travel toothbrush and paste I now carry everywhere with me. He simply walked over and stood next to me, rubbing my back and looking into the mirror back at me with a sympathetic smile. A very loving, sympathetic smile. I caught myself staring back at him, thinking how I hoped that if nothing else, the baby would inherit his smile.

 **A/N**

 **Bet y'all thought I was dead. Funny story about my uploads, I actually have this whole story typed up on my phone for _months_ (and maaayyybeee something else related to this story...wink wink. I don't think its hard to figure out what I'm talking about aha) so its all done but I just get so forgetful when the show is off the air. I find it kind of a task to edit and type up the story when I'm not watching the characters regularly. So anyway, I'm back! And I'll be updating another chapter VERY soon to say sorry to all of you! Thanks guys!**


	4. The Wedding Fight

"So have you told him yet?"

Cisco and I were sitting alone at our table as he continued to drink and I continued to stay sober.

I swallowed my water slowly, glaring at Cisco out of the side of my eye. "Do you see him having a stroke?"

"Fair point." Cisco paused and then nodded furiously, his gaze turning towards the crowd near the bar where Gypsy was deep in conversation with Jesse. He sighed happily, taking his last sip of his drink. "Gypsy and I would have amazing kids."

"We are so not discussing this." I laughed, pushing my chair out to leave.

Suddenly Cisco's face glazed over, a clear sign he was having a vibe. When he came out of it he looked surprised. "Hoooooolllyyyyyy shit."

"What is it Cisco?" I asked, subconsciously picking up my glass of water and handing it to him. He pushed it aside quickly, standing up with a slight madness to him.

"You have to find Julian, he's about to do something _real_ stupid." He replied, putting a hand on my arm and spinning me around.

"Me? What about you?! You're the best man. Isn't stopping people from doing something stupid your main duty?" I asked incredulously.

"What about me? I'm not the " _Julian whisperer_ ", you are." He said with obvious condescension.

"I'm sorry, the what?"

"Don't argue with me woman." Cisco said, lightly pushing me towards the exit.

"Okay, okay!" I shrugged off his hands and threw an annoyed look over my shoulder. "You better watch out. I have some dirt on you I'll happily inform Gypsy of if you continue to try and man handle me."

"Man handle you? Caitlin, please." He scoffed, turning his attention back to Gypsy with a worried expression.

* * *

Cisco being drunk was obviously affecting his vibes, because two minutes later I found Julian, perfectly fine, having a conversation outside with Barry. For whatever reason they were away from all the commotion inside and talking lowly as they stared out at the road in front of them.

"You know I never did pay you back for that bet about the Samson case two months ago." Barry said with amusement. I decided to stay hidden behind them for a moment, just to make sure that Julian really was okay. It wasn't spying or eavesdropping though it was just... okay it was.

"I'm in a good enough mood tonight mate that I'll officially let you off the hook." Julian nodded, lifting his glass of beer up to clink with Barry's one of champagne.

"Does that have anything to do with a certain brunette turned ice queen?" Barry teased him, punching his shoulder lightly. His childish antics often were heightened when in a good mood. And what better mood would Barry be in then on his wedding day? Julian side eyed Barry but from where I was standing the grin forming at his lips was quite evident.

"When did you know you and Iris were... forever?" Julian asked awkwardly, probably due to the few drinks of alcohol he'd had tonight and well... it's Julian. Something about this question made me feel bad for standing there and overhearing the conversation.

"I've always known." Barry said instantly. "I didn't know I knew it as I kid... but I did. It was always her."

Julian nodded thoughtfully, letting out a sigh and lifting the glass to his mouth. "Goddamn it." He muttered lowly.

Barry turned his head slightly to watch Julian, a knowing smile slowly spreading across his mouth. "Should I buy you and Caitlin an engagement present now or...?"

Julian remained quiet for a second. "Do you think she's going to leave again?"

His sad tone almost killed me standing there. I knew I hurt him, but he'd never truly let on to me how bad it was.

"I'm not sure, that's really a question that only she can answer." Barry replied diplomatically.

"You're right." Julian nodded again, finishing off his drink as he did so. "What if I ask her and she does leave? I've made my feelings perfectly clear to her before and she ended up leaving for two months."

Barry remained silent, sadly smiling back at him. Julian shook his head, taking himself out of his mind. "Sorry mate, we should probably go back to all the fun inside."

"If she's your one, it'll all work out eventually. Trust me." Barry said with a definitive tone to his voice as he clapped Julian on the back. "Now, about that engagement present, you see I never got one from you so-"

I smirked and decided to slip back inside at that moment. Julian wasn't going to do anything stupid, what was Cisco on about? There was no reason to worry.

As I made my way back into the main hall, a tall brunette man who was looking a little tipsy made his way towards me. I quickly looked away from him after seeing his smirk playing at his lips. I knew what that smirk meant, and all I had to say to it was _as if._

"Hey gorgeous? Where are you off to? Wanna come have some fun with a lawyer?" I rolled my eyes at this so hard. He probably thought he nailed that one, despite the slurred speech. Also, who the hell invited this sleaze ball? I've never seen him before in all my life.

"I decline to answer." I replied, continuing to walk.

"Oh I see, you got an attitude." He said from behind me with clear amusement. For whatever reason, this guy thought it would be an okay move to run his hands over my ass and squeeze it. To which I immediately spun around to hit him, but not before I saw Cisco open the doors in front of me and look panicked and all knowing. When I saw Julian angrily storming towards the man, I knew Ciscos vibe wasn't about him doing anything stupid.

It was about the forceful fist Julian threw towards the mans face, causing the drunk sleazebag to stumble back a little, a hand subconsciously flying to his cheek. Julian let out a heavy breath and shook his fist (like a total bad ass), never taking his eye off the guy. Even though it was awfully violent, my heart soared a little that he punched the guy for me. I looked up from the guy on the floor to see a surprised looking Barry standing a little behind Julian, clearly shocked and amused at the same time. Next thing I knew though from out of the corner of my eye, Julian was being pushed back up against the wall by the drunken asshole. Quickly Julian had punched the guy back, resulting in an all out fist fight between the two. The guy (lets call him... Dick) threw a fist at Julian, hitting him square in the jaw. They kept going like that, and the whole scene felt like it was going awfully fast right before my eyes. Barry and Cisco were clearly about to intervene as I yelled for the two to stop fighting. However Dick grabbed Julian by he collar, as did Julian, and pulled him back towards the other side of the room. Julian spun him around somehow and pushed Dick over, right into a decorative vase in the hallway. They both tumbled over, just as the loud smashing sound of glass occurred. Julian landed on his back and coughed slightly, just as Dick moaned and attempted to get up. Before he could, Julian sat up and punched him once again, looking absolutely pissed off as he stared him down. "Don't you _dare_ touch her again."

* * *

"Ow." Julian winced as I dabbed at his eyebrow with a cotton swab.

"Sorry." I mumbled halfheartedly, used to people flinching when I clean them up. So far I'd cleaned up his bottom lip and had given him a frozen ice pack to hold to his jaw. The staff was very kind when giving us their first aid kit, claiming that this sort of thing happens at weddings more than you think. Now though we were sitting on a stonewall of a garden bed outside the building, under the glowing light of the street lamp.

"Quite alright." He mumbled back, closing his eyes as I placed a small Band-Aid above his eyebrow. "Thank you, really."

"Not the first time I've cleaned somebody up after a fight." I replied with a smile, packing up all of the contents of the first aid kit.

"No its certainly not." Julian smiled knowingly, nodding his appreciation again as we sat in silence. He didn't look too bad for somebody who'd gotten in a fight just two moments ago, in fact, it made him look quite rugged in the best possible way. Julian put down the ice pack now, wincing a little as it came away. "Sorry if I acted like a complete nob."

"Trust me, he was the nob." I rolled my eyes, picking up the ice pack and holding it to his cheek. It needed to stay there for at least another 5 minutes. "You're going to have a swollen jaw if you don't keep this here."

Julian grinned a little at my bossy doctor tone, placing his hand over mine on the ice pack. "You mean like this?"

It was cheesy, but it made me smile. "Thank you for coming to my defense. I was ready to freeze the guy."

"I wouldn't have blamed you if you had." Julian shook his head and looked away from me, clearly still angry about it. "Can we switch to the other side of my jaw? He conked me pretty hard there too."

Instead of moving the ice pack I brought my cool hand up to his jaw and adjusted the temperature accordingly. "Better?"

Julian smiled graciously. "Perfect."

We sat there for a little while longer in silence before I noticed Julian swallow, seemingly building up the courage for something. Whilst I thought he was about to ask me about my status on leaving or not, he surprised me by placing his hands over mine gently and lowering them to my lap. "Now this is probably going to hurt, but I've been waiting _forever_ to do this again."

And then he cupped my face, taking the breath out of my lungs for a second as he leaned in and kissed me _so. goddamn._ _softly_. I closed my eyes momentarily, allowing myself to be swept up in the moment. It was amazing. Way better than what I remember from months before, and even back then it was so good. But then before either of us really had any time to take it in, a loud bang from the front entrance doors opened, taking Julian and I out of it and caused us to jump back from each other.

"Dude, that was so fricken sweet man. When you hit that guy I swear-" Cisco appeared before us, clearly unaware of what he was interrupting. I zoned out, feeling bad now for allowing myself to have such a good moment with Julian (even though it was cut short) when I was still hiding something from him.

I looked over at Julian and saw him smiling softly at me, a small, amused smile at both Cisco's awful timing and his enthusiasm for a fight... and maybe a little bit of his smile was from our kiss.

Cisco put his hands in his pocket and sighed happily. "That was _really something_ man."

Not taking his eyes off me, Julian replied with a very sexy smirk playing at his lips, obviously not referring to the fight anymore. "It really was."

 **A/N**

 **BOI. I'm back sooner then y'all thought, I bet. I hope you guys are enjoying this story! Let me know if you are, and also if you are interested in a sequel! You'll have to wait for the end of this story to see where its gonna go ;) I also have a bunch of one shots and little stories I'm working on! I want to get as much out as I can before the show comes back and Julian is no longer a series regular.  
**

 **ihateeverythingandbody, please, please make an account! Everybody loves your reviews and needs to be able to message you!**

 **I'm so devastated too about Julian not being cast as a series regular again. My heart broke when nobody at Comic Con asked the cast about it. I saw this coming the last couple of months, but still, my pathetic shipping heart wasn't prepared for the news :( Guess I'll just be watching season 3 a bunch for a while. I hope he comes back a couple times this season.**

 **Anyways, my Snowbert heart will beat on. At least we can indulge our imaginations with fanfictions still... I love the little Snowbert community, makes me so happy :) Thanks guys!  
**


	5. Adamant

The guests were dwindling down. The clean up crew were in. The only people that remained were the drunk ones, the wedding planners, and the main party. The bright lights of the hall showed the chaos that the wedding guests had left behind, with flowers, food, napkins, and -for some odd reason- a pair of pants (?) lying about the floor.

"Well, I think Barry and I are going to go upstairs and get some sleep, considering we have a 6am flight to Hawaii booked." Iris said, still looking as radiant as ever, despite the very long day. My feet were killing me at this point, and I'm sure Iris was standing up for way longer of a time than I was.

"Sleep." Cisco scoffed, looking over the two of them knowingly. "On your wedding night? Please."

"Watch it." Joe said in his typical warning tone. Both he and Iris hugged, saying a few pleasantries before he moved on to Barry. Watching this made me miss my dad, as I thought about how he wasn't going to witness his grandchild grow up or walk me down the aisle. It was sad every time to think about him, he would have loved to have seen and been present for all of the big moments. He would have loved Julian.

My thoughts must have translated to my facial expressions, because the next thing I knew, Julian beside me began to rub my back comfortingly whilst still looking forward at the happy couple. The sensitive gesture of sympathy made my heart beat a little faster, and when I went to smile at him to silently thank him he made me insides jump as he subtly winked back at me.

 _Swoon_.

"There's a few hundred dollars left at the bar, just cause were going to bed doesn't mean you guys have to stop the party." Barry said.

"Going to bed." Cisco scoffed again, earning another death stare from Joe. "You know on second thought I think I'm gonna go hit up the bar. Anyone else?"

He fled towards the bar before anyone had time to agree with him. The only person to follow him was Gypsy, who was looking particularly tired too.

"Bye Cisco." I called across the room, even though he was too busy guzzling down a glass of champagne to hear me.

I was so tired. This pregnancy thing was _really_ tiring. Considering I was in heels, I was pretty happy with myself for how long I've lasted standing up. When I got to the elevator though I just had to take them off. The immediate relief I felt made it sooooo worth it.

"I don't think I've ever seen you give up on your heels, Dr Snow." Julian came into the elevator with me, grinning a little at catching me out.

"You're probably going to see it a lot more." I said, thinking about the next few months when I'm due to gain a bunch of weight and not be able to wear heels anymore. But then I remembered that Julian doesn't know that yet. I looked over to see a mildly confused expression gloss over his face. Before he could ask what I meant though, I quickly moved on, "So you booked a hotel room too? What floor?"

I indicated to the button panel, pressing the number 3 for myself as he brushed me off. "I did book a room, however I'm seeing you to your room."

"How chivalrous off you." I smiled, leaning back against the wall of the elevator.

"Well after what happened earlier I don't think I'll ever be able to leave your side." Julian said with a cheesy grin. The bruise on the right side of his jaw was becoming evident and looked painful, however that didn't stop him from smiling.

"It was a bit exciting before, wasn't it?" I laughed momentarily, thinking about the initial punch he threw. "His face when you first hit him was iconic."

Julian laughed too, biting down on his lip after a while to stop his smirk. "It oddly felt really good to do it. Is that bad?"

We both laughed again and I shook my head. "I don't think so. It was amazing."

The elevator stopped at my floor, opening up the doors with a _ding_. We both stepped forward with Julian placing his hand on my lower back to lead me out. The gesture made me swoon a little, reminding my just how I got into this predicament with the baby in the first place.

"I'd do it again for you. A million times over I'd punch that tosser square in the jaw even if he so much as glances at you." Julian said definitively, making me laugh a little at the word "tosser". He was so wonderfully British.

"If he ever lays his eyes on you I might have to give him a little ice display." I joked back. As I turned my head Julian chuckled softly, dropping his hand from my lower back and shoving them in his pockets. "No but really... thank you. I um... I've never had someone get in a fist fight for me before. I've had people get beat up by Barry for kidnapping me before but-"

"Wait... you've been kidnapped before?" Julian jumped in, looking concerned.

"Oh, more then once, its no big deal." I shrugged, knowing that my casual play off of the subject would cause a hilarious reaction from him. My prediction was correct, Julian twisted his face up in extreme worry, his eyes darting back and forth between mine to see if I was being serious. A smile formed across my face and Julian softened his expression.

"You're insane, Dr Snow." He rolled his eyes now but the corner of his mouth turned upwards in a cheeky grin.

"I think you are thinking of my counterpart there." I lightly said back, stopping in front of my hotel door. I watched as Julian nodded but looked down at the floor, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. I knew what was coming.

"I don't know what your future plans are, and I think you know what my wishes are-"

"Julian." I said softly, looking down momentarily at my stomach and wondering if now was the time to tell him.

"-But I'm adamant that we can make this work. I love you Cait, these past few months have made me realise that I need you in my life. I can't lose you again." He didn't make eye contact with me through his whole speech, opting to look down at the floor instead. Once he was finished he glanced up at me and waited for my reaction. I couldn't move though. I mean, how much longer could I let this guy reveal his feelings to me without him knowing the full story? It seemed so... evil, in a way, to let him say all these things to me- all these loving, heartfelt, beautiful things – when he may want to take them all back after knowing that I'm with child.

His child.

Then it occurred to me: what if he doesn't want this baby? I hadn't even so much as considered Julian's parental wishes, all I had been focusing on was the "informing him" part.

"Anyways, that's all I have to say. I'll uh, I'll let you get some sleep. Goodnight." Julian mumbled, once again looking away nervously. His expression was clearly conveying hurt feelings, and I just couldn't let him leave for the night like this.

"Julian wait-" I managed to find my voice again as I grabbed him by the arm. All my previous concerns left my head, and all I knew was that I had to make this right between us, "I can't let you go either."

Julian, knowing of our conversation when we were slow dancing earlier, smiled accordingly and looked down at the floor again. "That's all I needed to hear Cait."

He looked up at me again, glancing down at my lips with a small giddy grin. I watched as he took a step towards me, sliding his hands around my waist without dropping the grin from his face. It was hard to think sensibly when he was so close my lips... which I so desperately wanted him to kiss.

"I missed you." I admitted in a whisper to him. I couldn't take the silence anymore, so I quickly leaned in and kissed him, seeing and hearing the fireworks in my mind as I closed my eyes.

The grin I could feel play at Julian's lips boosted my confidence a little, knowing that he was proud to be where he was right now. His hands traveled from my back to cup my face, pulling me in deeper for the most tentative kiss ever. I opened my eyes up as he slowly bit down on my lower lip and pulled away, leaving me with a numbness to my lips and legs that I'd forgotten the feeling of. Julian slowly trailed his hands down my face to the back of my neck and leaned his forehead against mine. He kissed me softly again and then returned to his previous position against my forehead, staring lovingly into my eyes.

"I love you." He repeated hoarsely with a smile, his voice full of emotion.

When I'd opened my eyes the images of fireworks had gone from my mind, but I could still feel the sparks.

"I love you too Julian."

* * *

A smile was already apparent across my mouth before I even knew I was awake. I opened my right eye to test if it was still dark or not, closing it again once I saw that it was in fact still early in the morning and there was a figure sleeping next to me. Which meant I could fall back asleep, at least for a little while longer. _Ah delicious, beautiful sleep_...

... _Wait_.

* * *

 **A/N**

 **OH SHIT DAAAAAAAWG!**

 **So I've updated three days in a row, where is all of this coming from? Y'all have inspired me so much, I originally didn't even have this chapter in my plan/draft, but I just had to have something a little extra before the shit storm coming soon. I mean, this was sweet right? She told him she loved him! I wish she had of said it in the show, but hey, what are you gonna do?**

 **To M and ihateeverythingandbody, I'm so grateful for your reviews, as well as everybody else who isn't a guest that I try and reply to! Your support really means the world to me. Which is why I have been updating so much lately! Or maybe its my way of coping with Tom Felton not being cast as a series regular :( Julian was just so goddamn sweet to Caitlin, why'd they have to do this :'(  
**

 **Weird ship of the day, but does anybody lowkey/highkey ship Thea and Rene on Arrow? Cause I _mayyybeeee_ do...**

 **ANYWAY, until next time, when you'll all be able to read how Caitlin deals with waking up next to you-know-who...  
**


	6. Boxers, No Shoes

A smile was already apparent across my mouth before I even knew I was awake. I opened my right eye to test if it was still dark or not, closing it again once I saw that it was in fact still early in the morning and there was a figure sleeping next to me. Which meant I could fall back asleep, at least for a little while longer. _Ah delicious, beautiful sleep_...

... _Wait_.

I opened my eyes in a frenzy, finally processing what I'd seen from out the corner of my eye. A very British, _very_ naked blonde male with a cut lip, bruised jaw and messy hair was lying beside me, peacefully sleeping with one arm draped across my stomach and the other hidden under his cheek.

 _Holy shit._

I closed my eyes again, thinking that if I just took a moment I'd realise I was a just imagining things. Pregnant woman hallucinate, right? That's a symptom... right? _Right?_

Wrong. I opened my eyes and sure enough, there was Julian, lying on his side, lightly drooling and softly smiling at the same time. He actually looked really attractive in the mornings the way he was now, with his messy hair from tossing and turning (and probably from some events prior to sleeping) and the moonlight still casting a shadow over his face. He looked so peaceful, so happy, so rugged, so-

 _Focus. Caitlin, get it together._

 _Okay, so you slept with him. It's fine. Wait, did you?_

I knew I did. I remembered. I wasn't at all drunk when I did it, obviously. But still, I lifted up the bed sheet just to check that I... most _definitely_ wasn't wearing any clothes.

 _All right. It's still fine. This is fine. It's not like you can get pregnant from this Caitlin. Hahaha..._

I turned my head so that I was staring at the ceiling, as it was starting to feel unacceptable to be staring at Julian when he was unaware of it. I felt so goddamn guilty. I mean, this was _so not_ appropriate. I shouldn't get to do this when I was keeping his baby a secret from him. Oh god, why didn't I tell him last night? Or at least just held off a little longer. I'm not 18 anymore, why did I just jump into bed with him like that? It seemed like something Killer Frost would do.

 _Oh god._ I delicately peeled Julian's arm off of me, and paused to make sure he didn't wake up. I _had to_ get out of here, quietly and quickly, before Julian had the chance to stop me. There's no way I could let him see me like this. The woman he fell in love with before, that's not me. That was Caitlin, and I was starting to realise that I wasn't just worried about the baby being affected by Killer Frost, it was I who was more like Killer Frost than anything or anyone. Julian didn't deserve that... and I didn't deserve Julian.

I tried my best to get out of bed without moving the mattress about, and stopped again to make sure that Julian was still soundly asleep. I rummaged through my suitcase for fresh clothes and rushed to put them on, before noticing all the clothes that we'd thrown around the room, trailing from the door to the end of the bed. I picked them up, one by one, starting from the bed to the door, and took one final look at Julian.

"I'm so sorry." I whispered as I left the room. Quietly I shut the door and leaned back against it, taking a moment for myself to get my shit together. Somewhere in my quiet frenzy tears had started falling from my eyes. Goddamn pregnancy hormones.

Despite the awful circumstances, we'd had a really good night - and no I don't mean just sexually. Well yes... that was very good too... very good... but Julian and I... we just fit really well together. There's always been so much wrong with my life, I've never really felt whole in a long time. The only time I've ever experienced that wholeness again was with Ronnie, and look how that turned out. This thing with Julian though... it felt right... it felt whole. He saw all my broken pieces and he loved me for them, just the way I see all his pain and guilt. Except now i just couldn't trust that feeling anymore, especially with Killer Frost circling around inside of me, waiting for a chance to get out again.

This was okay. He'd be okay. I can explain to him later, when I knew that I was in control of myself again. I wasn't hearing Killer Frosts voice anymore, but I sure as hell could feel her inside me. It just took me a while to realise that the feeling of panic and recklessness wasn't just pregnancy brain all these months, it was _her_.

I'd gotten halfway down the hall when I thought I heard my name called out, I kept going though, feeling myself tearing up all over again. The elevator was empty when I got in (thank god), allowing me to cry for just a few moments before hitting the bottom. I turned back around to face the hall, pressing the button for the ground floor when I saw him. Julian had opened the hotel door and was standing in his boxers, searching desperately for me. We locked eyes for a moment as I couldn't help but cry some more. His eyebrows scrunched up and his expression was so unreadable as he saw me standing there, suitcase in hand and high heels in the other. The elevator doors began to close and Julian remained at the end of the hall, his lips pursed together, a clear sign he was worried and hurt. I didn't call out to him, and he didn't try and stop me from leaving. The elevator doors closed, leaving me more alone than I'd ever felt in all my life.

* * *

I rushed through the main entrance of the hotel, uncontrollably blubbering away as I passed Iris and Barry. Shoot, I'd forgotten they had to leave early for a flight.

"Caitlin?" Iris called out, seeing me first. "Hey, what's wrong?" She rushed over to me, putting a hand on my shoulder to stop me.

"I have to go." I managed to get out, wiping away the tears from my face. God I must have looked awful, I hadn't bothered to check my face for the makeup that likely got smeared last night or brush my hair.

"Cait." Barry said with worry, putting his hand on my other shoulder.

"No I have to go." I shrugged them both off, biting down on my bottom lip to stop myself from another waterfall of emotions.

"Caitlin!" It was Julian, he'd gotten out of the elevator now, locking eyes with me and looking annoyed. He was still in nothing more than his boxers, and he hadn't even put on shoes. It was a very odd look for the normally very well put together Julian Albert we were all used to seeing.

"Don't. Julian, please don't." I said, backing away from Barry and Iris and picking up some speed.

"What's going on?" Barry asked worriedly. It was the last thing I heard before the doors shut behind me.

This so wasn't happening right now. I had to go. I couldn't do this right now. The familiar feeling of cold was beginning to rise in me, a clear sign that I needed to calm down.

But I couldn't. I just couldn't. My heart was breaking at the sight of Julian's wounded expression.

"Would you stop for just one minute!" Julian yelled, clearly angry with me. I paused at my car, leaving the keys in the lock and looking back at him. "You don't get to leave like this. Not without saying a word to me."

"This isn't the time, Julian." I could feel my fingertips freezing over as he spoke, making my lip tremble in fear. I worked so hard to fight this. Killer Frost was safely kept at bay before. I was doing so well.

"You say you love me. You say that you don't want to let me go and then the next minute you're running out on me in the middle of the night. Did last night mean nothing to you?" He asked, completely and utterly angry now.

"No Julian, it did. I-"

"Did you even read any of my letters that I sent you every day?"

"Yes. Yes I read every single one."

"How can you just leave like this then? I poured my heart out to you, every single day you were gone... I guess you're just more Killer Frost than I realised." He said in spite, not knowing how accurate he truly was.

"Well, at least you finally see me." Killer Frosts voice had taken over now, managing at least to control that part of my body. I fought back as best I could but to no avail. She was in full control now.

Julian closed his mouth, searching for something to say to me. He was stuck between his rage towards me and finally seeing the inner struggle between Frost and I.

"You want to know something funny lover boy? She was just trying to protect you." Killer Frost laughed, holding my hand up and letting a layer of frost trickle out menacingly.

Julian widened his eyes, taking a step back and shaking his head. "Don't do this. Caitlin. You can fight this. You've done it before and you'll do it again."

'Please don't do this to him'

' _What are you going to do about it Princess? I'm in control right now.'_

"Caitlin, despite everything that's happening right now, I can't lose you. I won't lose you to another state, or to Killer Frost. You aren't giving up on yourself and I'm not giving up on you." Julian took a brave step closer, which sent major warning signs to Killer Frost.

"Guess what _Julian,_ " She said, drawing out his name with venom. "There's something old Cait has been keeping from you-"

'Don't you dare Frost!'

"Caitlin's pregnant. With your little devil of a baby. Isn't that _sweet_?" Killer Frost smirked, clearly please with herself.

"What?" Julian looked confused, clearly not believing her. Or at least – he didn't _want_ to believe her. I got all my strength together and pushed Killer Frost out, taking control of my body once again.

"Julian, I'm so sorry." I said nervously.

"So its true." Julian said with an angry expression. "You're what... 4 months pregnant and you failed to tell me that?"

"I only found out this week." I reached out for him, but he took a step back and looked away.

"So you found out this week, you tell me you love me, you sleep with me, and then you try and run away in the middle of the night without telling me again, and the only reason I know is because Killer Frost told me, not you?"

"Its horrible I know-"

"No Caitlin." He cut me off and shook his head, smiling devilishly at the sky. "Why?"

"This baby isn't just yours... its Killer Frosts. I don't know when or if this baby will go crazy with ice-cold power, and I don't want you to have to deal with that. I don't know how I can do that to my baby, let alone you." I admitted, watching him swallow and nod his head anxiously.

Tears were falling down my face again as I watched him simply stand there in his boxers, almost laughing at how absurd the situation was.

"I'm sorry." I said again, this time though the phlegm in my throat made it sound distorted. "I'm so sorry."

Julian - once again -nodded at me, his lips pursed tight and his eyes glossy with tears. "I'm happy. I'm just... mad at you."

I smiled a little. That was about as good as saying he forgave me. "Okay."

"Okay." He repeated, looking away nervously again. "Am I actually outside in nothing more than my boxers right now?"

"Yes." I giggled and cried at the same time, causing a weird sobbing noise.

"You drive me mad." Julian was grinning as if he was absolutely bewildered that he would go outside like this. "I think I'm going to go back inside and change now."

"I think that would be wise." I laughed.

"Are you going to be here when I come back out?" Julian asked, his face looking hopeful.

I nodded and sniffled a little ( _so_ not cute Caitlin...), "Yes. Absolutely."

"Okay, we'll go get some coffee considering it's nearly..." Julian lifted up his watch to inspect it, widening his eyes once he saw the time, "...4am. Blimey... and then we can talk perhaps?"

"Sure, hey, um... I was going to go to my mother's house. To see if she can somehow test if our baby has the meta-human gene, that is. Would you want to come? It's a bit of a road trip but-" I asked, feeling incredibly awkward.

"Yes." He answered immediately. "I want to be here for you... and for it all."

A smile pushed its way through again. Julian bit down on his lips but shook his head in mild frustration. "You know what, screw it." He crushed his lips against mine, running his hands through my hair to pull me closer. It was somewhat unexpected, but I'd become used to Julian's sporadic displays of affection. Honestly, I wouldn't want it any other way. I laughed against his mouth, wrapping my arms around his neck to get as close as I most possibly could. He pulled away momentarily to grin at me, "I can't stay away from you."

A laugh escaped my lips again in pure joy. "Good thing I'm not going anywhere then."

We kissed again, this time though it communicated something else other than need and desire. He loved me, I knew it by the way he held me, the way he adored me through his gentle touch. From afar I heard the distance whistles and whoops of Barry and Iris cheering us on ("Get it Albert!").

"This is insane." Julian finally admitted, laughing at the pure craziness of it all. "Are we _actually_ having a baby?"

"I think we actually are." I couldn't help but giggle at Julian's childish excitement. The past week I had just been panicking, and honestly I couldn't remember a time in the past 3 months where I was this happy.

* * *

 **A/N**

 **So I updated a day late... cause I stood on my USB... the one that has all my uni and writing documents...and had to rewrite this whole chapter. Ugh. If y'all think that USB's are indestructible, I can assure you they are not. So yeah. Sorry guys, I might have to reevaluate my writing schedule (which you can find on my profile, I have a new updates section that I will be uh updating (duh Irrevocably, that's what an update section is for you dickhead)).**

 **So yes, new chapter every Monday (I'm trying guys). Julian has finally found out about the lil bubba so we'll be dealing with all of that in future chapters, and I'll likely be doing a lil bit of a time jump soon. I haven't really addressed it yet, but its kind of weird to be in the beginnings of a relationship but pregnant too, so that'll be coming.**

 **Cool. Alright. I think I've said everything. Except that I love you guys for the constant support on all my work, and the lovely lovely lovely... _lovely_ reviews y'all are leaving here. Honestly warms my heart! Also send me requests for one shot ideas you guys want to see for snowbert, I'll write them!**

 **Till next time xxx**

(seriously though don't leave stuff on your floor guys)


	7. The Big Moments

"Just get comfortable and we'll start, Ms Snow." The doctor said smoothly, giving me a moment to wriggle around and close my eyes. Ah, serenity.

"Caitlin!" Julian came barging through the door, looking pissed. I snapped my eyes open, looking towards him in shock. How the hell did he know I was here? "Did you _really_ think you'd go through this without me?!"

I looked over anxiously at the doctor sitting next to me, sending her an awkward smile. "This is the father, Julian."

The doctor nodded, turning her head slowly away from the commotion and returning to the screen in front of her. I shot Julian a questioning look as I cocked my head at him, silently telling him to leave it for now.

But no, he couldn't wait.

"I cannot believe you didn't tell me about this." He said, spinning around in annoyance and lightly kicking a stool.

"Julian now's not the best time. I'd like to discuss this when my legs aren't up in the air and I have pants on." I tried to control the situation, ignoring the feeling of guilt that was rising in the pit of my stomach. The guilt was soon layered by a gooey, cold sensation on my skin.

"Alright, lets get this ultrasound started, shall we?" The doctor asked, trying to brush over the tension in the room.

Julian folded his arms, looking at the monitor and not making eye contact with me. I don't know why I didn't tell about this appointment, something inside of me said it was too risky to do so. I still didn't have the tests back that my mother had done on whether or not the baby had the Meta human gene, so maybe I was waiting for that before he got too attached. I don't know...

I poked him, waiting for him to look at me. "Would you at least sit down for this?"

Julian reached behind him and got the stool, sitting down a safe distance away from me. I should have told him earlier.

The heartbeat instantly took over the entire room, wiping away all other feelings of tension I had. Judging by the way Julian slipped his hand into mine, it took away his too. "Wow." He let out, looking down at me with a soft smile.

"I know." I replied, smiling back at him with ease. "Its pretty wow."

The doctor pointed to the monitor and said happily, "There's your baby."

Julian beamed, tearing up slightly as he stared at the screen. "I can't believe that's ours."

I started tearing up too, squeezing his hand as I watched the screen move around. Even though I'd seen this before, it was a whole new experience seeing Julian so overjoyed. "That's ours."

Julian let out a somewhat shaky breath, completely transfixed by the picture on the screen. "Yeah."

"Would you two like to know the sex?" The doctor asked.

I turned my head to Julian, really not minding either way. "It's up to you."

"...I'd like to know. Is that alright with you?" Julian asked, holding my hand with both of his.

"Of course." I smiled, suddenly excited. "What is it?"

The nurse smiled and spun around in her stool. "I'm pleased to tell you that in 4 months you'll be having a little baby girl."

A girl. We were having a girl.

"That's absolutely... incredible." Julian was grinning like a mad man as I watched him attempt to hold back his tears. Meanwhile, I was definitely balling my eyes out at this point. Julian chuckled as he saw this, kissing me on the forehead and wiping away my tears.

"We're going to have a girl." I whispered, somehow not believing it.

"Yeah," Julian said breathlessly with a grin. "Our baby girl."

* * *

It was an odd few months between Julian and I.

Whilst we've always been very comfortable with each other, it was a whole new experience starting a relationship up again when I was pregnant. This baby for us was like we'd skipped past multiple hurdles and run for the finish line in our relationship. Whilst the situation was unorthodox and a little crazy, things between us never felt rushed. Everything that was happening between us... it was... okay.

No evil villains (currently), no alter egos (also, currently), no ex-boyfriends-who-had-alter-egos-in-which-also-turned-out-to-be-evil either (surely we were done with that?). Everything was _just_ normal.

I'd almost forgotten what that felt like.

* * *

It was somewhere around the end of my 7th month of pregnancy when it happened.

A bump. Then something more powerful. I sat up in my bed, unsure if what just happened was what I thought it was. A kick. The baby just kicked.

I somehow rolled over in my bed, reaching blindly in the dark for my phone. I dialled Julian's number on impulse, practically jumping around in bed.

"Caitlin you better hope your apartment is on fire cause if you're waking me at 3 in the morning for banana muffins again I swear-" A deep groan was heard from the other end of the line. Clearly he was not amused.

"Come over now." I said urgently, not wasting any time.

"What, are you okay?" Julian replied frantically. From my end of the line I could hear two loud bangs, one of which I'm assuming was Julian's feet hitting the floor and the other his leg hitting the side post of his bed.

"Are _you_ okay?" I asked, hearing him wince momentarily before moving around again.

"Yes," Another groan, "Caitlin, are you? Is the baby okay?"

"Yes. Just come over now! The baby is kicking!" I practically yelled, feeling another kick.

Not another second went by before a loud crash was heard and the line went dead.

Julian arrived approximately 20 minutes later in plaid pyjamas, which could be considered impressive seeing as how he lived a 30-minute drive away. Or it could be seen as stupid, which it most definitely was. I was too excited though when I opened my door to question him about it though.

Plus as soon as I did he came barrelling in, handing me a 4 pack of large banana muffins, "Let me feel."

"Hello to you too." I laughed, leading him over to the couch and setting the muffins aside. "You have to wait a minute, she's stopped now."

I placed Julian's hand on the left side of my bulging stomach, the place where she'd last moved. "Did you have banana muffins ready to go or something?"

"I had a feeling you'd call." Julian grinned, leaning up to kiss me as if he'd just remembered he hadn't yet. "I just didn't realise it'd be in regards to this though."

"Have I told you how much I love you lately?" I reached over and grabbed a muffin, munching away as we waited for the babies movement.

"I don't think I even want to know if you're talking to me or the muffin." Julian rolled his eyes, focusing his attention back to my stomach.

A minute passed with still no movement.

"Maybe she doesn't like me." Julian said sadly in his hyper active, sleep deprived state.

"Patience." I told him, placing my hand over his.

"She doesn't like m-" The baby kicked, causing Julian to take his hand off of me in surprise. "Oh my lord." He said, raising his eyebrows and smiling. "That's amazing."

"Isn't it?" I giggled, feeling the baby stir again. "I have a feeling she's going to keep me up every night like this for a while."

"Sorry that I worked so late tonight. I was going to come here but I didn't want to wake you, so I just decided to go home." Julian said apologetically once the baby had stopped again.

"It would have been okay, I was awake until an hour ago anyway." I said, pushing myself up off the couch.

Julian led me to my room, lying down next to me on the left side of the bed that he'd claimed as his side. Tonight would have been the first night in two months where he wasn't sleeping beside me at my house, had the baby not been kicking. It felt so much better knowing he was here. He pulled me into him, wrapping his arms around me as I leant my head against his chest. "I don't know how much longer we'll be able to sleep like this if the baby keeps getting bigger."

He chuckled softly as he said this, kissing my hair as I closed my eyes.

A silent moment passed before I felt the need to speak a random thought I had. "I want our house to have archways."

"Archways?" Julian repeated, his tone of voice low. We hadn't spoken about moving in together yet, even though it seemed like he already had. Half his clothes were at my house, not to mention his toothbrush, phone charger and laptop that he left at mine most of the time anyway. One day he'd even brought over his toaster, claiming that mine was the worst and he couldn't stand to live in a place that only produced burnt toast.

"And two ovens." I murmured, feeling the fatigue overcoming me now. "For the banana muffins."

"I'd like two ovens." Julian agreed sleepily, "A big backyard would be nice for the kids."

"Kid _s_?" I clarified, unsure of whether or not he meant to make it plural.

"Yes, I've been thinking about uh... do you want more than one?" He asked, seemingly more awake now.

I smiled at his awkwardness. "I'd like that."

Another moment went by as I felt Julian's muscles relax a little more. "I'd like that too."

"Julian?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you." I turned my head up to give him a long, slow kiss, feeling that happy, bubbly sensation running through me as I did.

"I love you too." He replied, kissing me again before I returned my head back to his chest. "So tomorrow?"

"What about it?" I asked.

"We go find our house. With the archways... and banana muffins."

"It's a date." A smile remained on my face as I began to drift off to sleep.

"...Caitlin?" I heard Julian say in his tired voice.

"...Mhmm?"

"...Will you marry me?"

I smiled at his laid back way of proposing, with both of us half out of our minds as we drifted off into a calm, warm sleep. It was perfect. "Yes."

"Okay." Julian said drowsily. "I love you... you and the little one. Night Cait, goodnight bean."

* * *

8 houses, 4 suburbs, and 3 banana muffins later and we were starting to get tired of this house hunting business. I wasn't so delusional as to think that we would find the perfect house on the first try, but I so desperately wanted to.

"Maybe we should just go home or to STAR Labs and try again another day." Julian offered, wrapping his arm around my waist as we walked out of another dud house.

"Yeah, I guess. My feet _are_ a little sore." I commented, looking down at my swollen feet. Jesus Christ they were huge.

"Don't worry," Julian kissed the side of my head before he let go. "We'll get there. The right house is waiting for us."

"Absolutely." Our real estate agent (Darren; a young preppy blonde boy who was definitely about to get fired due to his lack of brain cells) nodded his head in agreement. "These things take time."

Julian opened the car door and helped me in. "You know it doesn't have to be today."

"I know." I said sadly, looking down at my belly. "I just don't know how much moving we would be able to do with a newborn."

Julian hopped in the other side and took my hand in his. "We'll get there." He repeated, bringing my hand up to his mouth to kiss it.

The car ride back to the real estate office was silent and felt like an eternity. The whole time I stared out the window, feeling myself becoming jealous and irritated at all the homes that families had already found. Lucky bastards.

When we'd gotten back to the office Darren handed us his card (which we'd be throwing out _asap_ ), we then said our pleasantries to our idiot real estate agent before heading towards his car.

"Is it just me or was that boy utterly useless?" Julian commented under his breath as soon as he'd shut the car door behind him.

For some reason, all I could do in that moment was burst into tears. And not pretty small tears either. I was sobbing, _hard._ Julian seemed surprised at this turn of events, reaching over and holding me.

"It's okay, consider him fired." He said as he stroked my hair, making me laugh as I cried.

"No, no. Well yes fire him. God he was awful." I said in between sobs. "We're just... I want a home Julian. I want our home."

"You have one. _We_ have a home already." Julian replied, wiping away my tears.

"No we don't. We have a small apartment that doesn't even have a guest bedroom." I wailed, starting to feel even sorrier for myself. "I can barely fit my fat feet in the door."

"Caitlin," Julian said softly, lifting my chin up to look at him. "I'm trying my best not to laugh at that fat feet comment alright. You're still beautiful, you always have been and always will be to me."

I rolled my eyes, trying to hide the smile on my face.

"Besides, my home is with you, it doesn't matter the location. You're home to me." He kissed my forehead, making me sob quietly again. "Now, pull yourself together because while that ass hat was talking I found a house on my phone I'd like to look at."

There was no roof, the windows were missing and the front porch only had one step.

"It's not finished." I murmured, standing out the front and feeling a little disappointed.

"Its due to be done in 1 months time." Julian replied, taking my hand and leading me across the lawn.

"That's pushing it pretty close." I placed my other hand on my stomach subconsciously, feeling a little more concerned.

"It will be... very close... but I have a good feeling about this one." He said, helping my up to the porch. "Do you trust me?"

"I have no choice but to trust you."

"Good." Julian smirked, opening the front door.

As soon as we walked in, all I could see was the bare walls and dust covered stairs. "I think I'm going to start crying again."

"No Caitlin," Julian squeezed my hand, shaking his head and laughing a little. "This is good, we get to have our house the way we want it. I mean half the houses we looked at we'd have to paint anyway. Filthy things."

"That's true." I commented, noticing the hard wood floors. "These are pretty."

"According to this," Julian looked down at his phone, "there's 5 bedrooms, all with walk in robes, 3 and a half baths, a home office, and a butlers pantry. Alright well, where should we start, upstairs or down?"

"This level first." I decided. We walked off to the left into a large room with a fireplace.

"This is the theatre room." Julian said, showing me the layout on his phone. "I believe they are putting doors here."

"Okay. Well, it is big. It definitely could fit a whole family... or a circus in here." I joked.

"An army perhaps." Julian added, leading me to the room opposite. "This is the home office. Slightly small, but really we don't need much beside a desk and a cabinet right?"

"Right. We can always switch out a guest room if we need?"

Julian nodded. The next room was the laundry, which had a door out to the side of the house, and then there was the guest suite.

"Holy shit, this is a guest suite?" I said, taking a look into the walk in robe. "This is huge."

"No kidding, wow." Julian muttered, peeking his head into the bathroom. "They haven't finished the tiling in here. But still, come look at this."

"Wow. How are we to afford this?" I asked.

"It's a newer area a little farther away from the city so it's a lot cheaper." Julian replied, leading me out to the kitchen. "This is the only room that's finished it seems."

The cabinets were all white with a marble bench top, there was overhead cabinets and best of all: two ovens. "I'm sold."

Julian laughed, taking my hand once again. "I think I am too."

"This open planned layout is gorgeous. We can have your round table there and my kitchen stools right here." I pointed around the room, feeling myself get excited. _This_ was what I was waiting for all day. "And then we can have my couch over there."

"Your couch? Please." Julian teased. "We're throwing that out."

"We are not." I replied playfully. "It's staying with us. I don't care how uncomfortable you find it."

Julian rolled his eyes, taking me to the pantry. "What ever you say love. Holy, there's another oven, sink and dishwasher in the butlers pantry. And a space for a full size fridge. Nice, and a wine rack."

"Is this even necessary?" I asked, peering in.

"For holidays and parties it will be." Julian said practically. "This connects through to the dining room. It's pretty average. I guess we have to buy a dining table now."

"I'll add it to the list of things to get. Finally, the master bedroom." The first thing to see was the big window alone the side and double doors going into the wardrobe. "And I thought the guest room was huge... wow."

"Okay, this is slightly ridiculous. Once furniture is put in it'll be fuller." Julian said, looking down at the end wall. He stood behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, talking lowly into my ear, "Imagine the naughty things we could get up to in here."

Once he started kissing my neck I couldn't help but giggle. "Julian! You need to calm down. We haven't even bought the house yet. And there's no bed."

"Imagine a bed. Imagine you and me at night, maybe bottle of wine between us-"

"I miss wine." I said, causing Julian to chuckle. He turned me around and kissed my nose.

"Close your eyes and imagine all the wine you could have in this house."

"Ooo I like that." I said, closing my eyes to appease him. "This is it, isn't it?"

"We still have a lot to see." Julian kissed my lips quickly, taking my hand once again. I opened my eyes as we walked to the wardrobe to see the his and her closets that stood beside each other on each side of the wall, with a centre island to bring it all together. Beyond that was the master bathroom, which had a toilet off to the side, his and her sinks, a double shower, and a large spa bath in the corner.

"You're joking." I said.

"This is amazing." Julian agreed.

Upstairs led to a family room and a smaller hallway with a built in desk, which then led to another spare room on the layout. The last part of upstairs was the two bedrooms, which were both connected by one bathroom. Whilst upstairs didn't have much of a roof yet, the rooms looked amazing.

"This... this is the babies room, isn't it?" Julian said, sounding a little emotional.

"Yeah." I wrapped my arms around his, holding him close and leaning my head on his shoulder. "Are we painting it pink?"

"Pink and yellow." Julian replied without thinking. I couldn't help but smile at him.

"So... this is the one?" I asked again, just to convince myself that this was really happening.

"Yeah," Julian kissed the top of my head as I heard him sniffle. "This is our home."

* * *

 **A/N**

 **Hey y'all. Alot happened in this chapter! Julian proposed, they bought a house, they found out the sex of the baby, its just all happening for them!**

 **Sadly, this fic won't be lasting much longer, so I'd like to say thankyou thankyou thankyou to everyone who has read/favourited/followed/reviewed my story or any combination of the 4! I so greatly appreciate it and hope you all will be excited for the next installment of infected, which will be coming very soon after the end of this story. I'll reveal a little bit more of the plot in the epilogue of this story!**

 **Thankyou so much everyone for all the love!**


End file.
